Some things will never walk away 

Every parent enjoys seeing their child grow up. An infants sounds become conversations; they start walking and talking. It is endearing to see them learn to self-initiate rather than needing to be carried everywhere. Soon we tell them to quit acting like a helpless baby and walk themselves. Every stage of growth is celebrated and is marked by independence. As they grow up, it is our duty to equip them with as much independence and self- motivation as possible. It is a shame on a parent to have children who cannot function without them. At least that is the way it is supposed to be.

It seems our society is trying to make dependence a virtue. A real adult can’t wait to get out into the world make their way. Not because of a bad home-life but to make use of their energetic mind and body. We should make our own opportunities and it is a shame to put up with people who draw a shade over our human potential. There are various means that are used, but they all make us subjects to the whims of another.

The bar has been lowered at what constitutes being a victim. Slavery, murder or starvation used to be the criteria for it. To call oneself a victim in the abundance that is America is childish in the same way we don’t approve of a kid hanging on to his mommy because the world is scary. An adult is expected to go out, overcome obstacles and become something on his own. It isn’t a virtue to demand someone to take care of you; it is virtuous to work through hardships without complaining while bettering oneself in the process.

When the group we associate with tells us there is no opportunity, it is up to us to debunk the myth. It is a good idea to get away from peers that hold us back and listen to those who spark independence in us. It doesn’t require money or certain circumstances, it takes the courage that goes with independence to go out and make a change in our lives. The pay always comes later. We need to lay aside issues of race, economies and bad luck and put the God-given talent that is in each of us to work. To be courteous when inconvenienced, to embrace changes, to handle adversity with poise; are what it means to be mature.
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What can I do to hold you 

The world was cold and empty

If you’re staring into space

The derby’s over and our butts are draggin

If I were king and you were queen

This is an edited letter I sent to a friend who is struggling with addiction:

Growing up and as an adult, I worked and lived with people with substance abuse problems. Sometimes I felt as though I was the only sane one among crazies, but I learned from it. Since I inherited the same traits, I have empathy toward those who struggle with it. Here are a few principles that may help based on my own observations and experience.

First and foremost is to recognize that the traits that cause the anxiety are good traits if applied properly. You can be fun and a go getter and there are people who wish to have the exuberance and adaptability that is a part of your make up. Unfortunately, factors and conditions can steer this delightful compulsion in the wrong direction, make us hostage to certain vices and result in depression afterward.

I’ve noticed there is always another party that causes this anxiety. Every friend and family member I know that has the same issues dealing with anxiety have this as a factor in their thinking. I have hundreds of hours into sitting with people telling their woes and they are delighted to have someone to present their grievances to. If I wasn’t there they would relive the moments themselves constantly in their heads. The grandmother that helped raise me, family members and friends along the way, all had this in common; a third party that made them helpless and messed up their lives along with the fear that they may have done the same to others themselves. I want present you a different way of thinking.

Every person that wakes up under the sun is given a gift from God. It is called “a day” and it is more valuable than any monetary reward. It is a personal gift given directly to each of us so we can do what we want with it. The purpose of this gift is happiness. We should make every effort to be happy by enjoying this gift. Every person in the world is equal on this level. There is a psalm that says,” This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

Many people squander this gift in the same way a prodigal squanders his wealth. They are not satisfied with ruining their own happiness but they want to take happiness away from others in the same way the prodigal took his father’s wealth. But we must tend to our own happiness and appreciate those who want to contribute to it. That is our first and foremost responsibility. Of course we should always be ready to receive prodigals with open arms, but it is out of our realm of influence to force them to be happy. They have the same starting point as we do, the same wealth of a new day every morning, so it follows that they are responsible for their own happiness. No one depends on you for their happiness and yours shouldn’t depend on anyone else. Straying outside of this realization results in anxiety.

Sometime thought patterns need to be nipped in the bud. Christians say to cast all your cares on Jesus; but to be at the point of casting means we receive something. Some things aren’t ours to pick up in the first place. Those of us who have been strapped with responsibility for many years have to work to abandon living for everyone else and enjoy the life that God has given us. This isn’t selfishness but it is good stewardship. We have so many talents, so many snarky remarks and so much to enjoy and improve, we can’t let anyone else step in on our ability to get all the happiness we can out of the gift of each day. Once this becomes a habit, there is no need for rehabilitation.