I like the saying,”Own it”. It makes the most sense to focus on improving the things that are under our control. Circumstances change as do our finances and relationships. But the part of us that doesn’t have to change in this tumultuous world is our conduct. The way we approach each day determines how it will turn out. If we allow the days events to drive us, our mood will depend on events. Only by seizing the day can our character mold it into what we want it to be. This can sound like a string of platitudes, but the truth remains that our conduct determines our life and every individual is in charge of their own. Blaming others and their conduct for our own moods and failures can become a habit. As Mark Twain said,”Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits.” Some go as far as to blame ancestors. Wouldn’t it be better to look at our future generations instead and try to be a good ancestor for them?

Excellence in knowledge comes through learning while excellence in character comes through practice. It is that way in any skill we want to acquire. A musician or a builder will first learn and then as they put things to practice, skill is acquired. A person with good character is someone who is skilled at controlling their conduct. This more than anything is the foundation for a good society. The goal of producing good citizens who are courageous, cooperative, temperate and motivated should be foremost in any political agenda. Wisdom and discretion put to practice produces good conduct. A society that conducts itself using personal responsibility and fairness cannot help but excel.

As compared to regular learning, character studies are more fluid. There is a proper application for each principle and there are extremes either way. For instance, some say that it is best to avoid confrontation to avoid stress. Others say you need to be aggressive to get what you want. The right amount is whatever you can work out that is effective and considerate. This depends on the state of mind of the individuals and circumstances. A diligent person will use discretion and consideration while getting what they want. An unmotivated person will either give up due to the stress or become unreasonable. The right way to work most things out is more of a dance where toes get stepped on occasionally with apologies. Eventually with practice we figure things out, but each dance is different. It is good to train ourselves to deal with life’s successes and disappointments with a certain persistence and poise. Grasping the concept that we are in control of our own atmosphere is the starting point.

When it comes to happiness, most of the choices are between things that are good. The goal is to figure out what is best. This is what the word virtue means. To characterize life by contrasts between good and evil is too simplistic. Good and bad do exist and there are depraved people out there, but most of our day to day dealings are with normal situations. The most difficult choices in everyday life are between the good things that we want badly that might effect the other good things in our lives.

Let’s use shopping as an example. There may be things that we have always wanted and yet the finances might not be there. It is no fun to get bogged down by payments to work like a slave for lenders. There is a certain satisfaction and joy that comes with not having to constantly work overtime while still having cash on hand to do what one wants. Wanting a particular item isn’t evil or greedy but is a reasonable desire. Although the item might be good, it may not be the best thing for the goal of happiness. The upkeep might become more of a taxation than the enjoyment it gives. Is it better to have freedom and relaxation or to have everything we desire right away? It is good to acquire things and take care of them but the more all the ramifications of our choices are examined, the more likely we will be to make choices that add joy to our lives. These principles apply to many areas of life.

In all our endeavors, decisions are made between opportunities to reach what is best for our lives. There are two aspects to these decisions. There is the aspect that is concerned with data such as math, laws and science. The other area is morals such as honor or loyalty. Using the shopping example, the item will have a certain style that meets our desire, costs a certain amount and the checkbook will have a certain balance. The other aspect has to do with shoulds. Should I buy this now or should I wait? Will this make my spouse angry? Should I steal it? The data includes logistics and arrangements while the moral includes purpose and duty. Our minds examine both sides when pursuing passions. The goal is to make decisions that bring the most happiness to our lives.

This isn’t an exact science but more of an art where we are in control of the brushstrokes. It isn’t that we are trying to achieve an impossible perfection but we want to avoid pitfalls that lead to misery. looking at the mechanics of reaching an ideal life helps us to understand where to make adjustments. It is good to understand the mechanics of an automobile to keep it running but the purpose is to get to places we want and to enjoy the scenery on the way. In relationships it is good to step back and examine them occasionally to keep things right so they can continue to be enjoyable. The subject of ethics examines these things on a personal and social level.