This is an edited letter I sent to a friend who is struggling with addiction:

Growing up and as an adult, I worked and lived with people with substance abuse problems. Sometimes I felt as though I was the only sane one among crazies, but I learned from it. Since I inherited the same traits, I have empathy toward those who struggle with it. Here are a few principles that may help based on my own observations and experience.

First and foremost is to recognize that the traits that cause the anxiety are good traits if applied properly. You can be fun and a go getter and there are people who wish to have the exuberance and adaptability that is a part of your make up. Unfortunately, factors and conditions can steer this delightful compulsion in the wrong direction, make us hostage to certain vices and result in depression afterward.

I’ve noticed there is always another party that causes this anxiety. Every friend and family member I know that has the same issues dealing with anxiety have this as a factor in their thinking. I have hundreds of hours into sitting with people telling their woes and they are delighted to have someone to present their grievances to. If I wasn’t there they would relive the moments themselves constantly in their heads. The grandmother that helped raise me, family members and friends along the way, all had this in common; a third party that made them helpless and messed up their lives along with the fear that they may have done the same to others themselves. I want present you a different way of thinking.

Every person that wakes up under the sun is given a gift from God. It is called “a day” and it is more valuable than any monetary reward. It is a personal gift given directly to each of us so we can do what we want with it. The purpose of this gift is happiness. We should make every effort to be happy by enjoying this gift. Every person in the world is equal on this level. There is a psalm that says,” This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

Many people squander this gift in the same way a prodigal squanders his wealth. They are not satisfied with ruining their own happiness but they want to take happiness away from others in the same way the prodigal took his father’s wealth. But we must tend to our own happiness and appreciate those who want to contribute to it. That is our first and foremost responsibility. Of course we should always be ready to receive prodigals with open arms, but it is out of our realm of influence to force them to be happy. They have the same starting point as we do, the same wealth of a new day every morning, so it follows that they are responsible for their own happiness. No one depends on you for their happiness and yours shouldn’t depend on anyone else. Straying outside of this realization results in anxiety.

Sometime thought patterns need to be nipped in the bud. Christians say to cast all your cares on Jesus; but to be at the point of casting means we receive something. Some things aren’t ours to pick up in the first place. Those of us who have been strapped with responsibility for many years have to work to abandon living for everyone else and enjoy the life that God has given us. This isn’t selfishness but it is good stewardship. We have so many talents, so many snarky remarks and so much to enjoy and improve, we can’t let anyone else step in on our ability to get all the happiness we can out of the gift of each day. Once this becomes a habit, there is no need for rehabilitation.